Julia, my sweet perfect Jules, I miss you more than words could say. I will forever grieve who you would be, in every way you could’ve been. You will always hold a piece of my heart. I love you and I will share you until I see you again.

You were not a “pregnancy loss” or a “stillborn”. You were not a sad thing that happened to us or a tragic circumstance. You were a baby. My baby. Our baby. And forever our baby you’ll be.

Today marks 29 weeks in my pregnancy, and while for most pregnant women this is a pretty insignificant gestational milestone, for me it’s the day I gave birth to Julia. This whole pregnancy has been a whirlwind of emotions, but getting to this point in my pregnancy has left such a heavy weight on my heart. 

This morning when I woke up, I was smothered with love by one child, not two. When we sat down for breakfast, we were a family of three, not four. As we played at the park, Jesse pushed one swing and I pushed none. When it was time for bed, I kissed my one daughter good night, and blew another kiss above. This Mother’s Day, I’m celebrated by one child on earth, and one child in heaven.

But as I write this the tears are flooding down my face. Because the reality is, I would do anything to do any of those things with her. I understand now what the social worker meant when she said to “be her parent,” “be her mom,” because I would never get the opportunity to do those things again.

In loving memory of our Jules- daughter, sister, and forever angel.